In a coaching session the main thing a coach has to do is to focus on client's pattern to approach reality, because this very pattern is the one which has "headed" (oups) him/her to the problem he/she would want to solve.
In the saying What you see is what you get the "dealer" of what-you-get is what YOU SEE.
There are as many realities as many people are seeing them.
"You" is the point you shape a view. Then you "frame" it, and take it with you and look at any reality through it.
"The point of view" is a personal reference more powerful than the view it self.
On the other hand, nobody could see the real view. But we could try to make it work for us!
A coach job is to "deliver" different points of view for client to choose and - the most important thing - in order the client to learn to generate himself/herself different point of views on his/her situation.
This image above was posted by I. L. on social media with this comment:
- "The road ahead?"
The sentence could've been a descriptive one, but the fact that was a question shifts it in a decision-making situation, and that makes the emotions arise. Their very expression is the "painter" of the frame of reference the speaker tends to apply.
A coach approach is to view the things which can help for using a situation to solve the problem attached to. It is the very skill the client could practice in the coaching session in order to change his/her pattern of relating to any other situation. I said:
- Lets see the best in it:
if it will be raining you can step on stones (and do not be washed down by torrents);
you get further, and higher, because the path is climbing;
you can see the rainbow because there is a properly sized woods
and.. you are alive because you actually are there ;-)
"Client's" answers were:
- And, if you're not careful, you can break your neck
- Let's hope it will not rain too much before I'll get on higher grounds :)
It "paints" the frame of a terrifying future, where the focus is on dangers not on goal or on how to step safely to the goal, where the commitment to achieve the goal is in others control, and it shows a ready-to-accept-failure state of mind because of "the others" - God was (sic) raining!
As a coach, I go further acknowledge the present perspective the client displays, and working on this very one - as a new "image" on which to have new points of view. I said:
- From a coach's point of view (coaching is about language) what about using ”believe” instead of ”hope” - you know, it put the responsibility where it is suppose to be, and to belong ;-)
The answer was:
- I belive I can stretch my limits, even improve myself, learn more ... however I do not believe I can control rain, storm, wind :)
And here we are another "image" - another frame client paints revealing his/her references, in this particular case reinforcing the previous perspective about a ready-to-accept-failure "because of others". So, as a coach, lets use the same tool - propose another point of view on the new situation. I said:
- Do you can control what you do when it is raining, snowing, windy? And, may I tell you a Chinese proverb: The one who knows his limits is the King of the World. How about do not stretch limits, just know them?
About ”believing” in one situation, and not - in another, lets notice a technical fact: if you do not believe it is kinda you can believe.
The answer was:
- I do believe, but is too general to say so :)
And here we are a new "image" - a more profound frame of reference: the client moves from steps (on stones) to beliefs. Is the very place he/she can start to know him/her better, to choose, to grow.
It is actually the "stepping stone". Lets go further, being curious - in fact, being curious is believing there is something over there, as well as looking for a solution for your situation. And raising the level of awareness of what you cannot control, and what you can control - and take some specific action toward achieving tiny, but solid results, and thus to prove is a safe road for you to prevent ''to break your neck''. In a word: you get empowered, and you can re-phrase your inner dialog from ''"The road ahead?" to ''The road ahead!''
(first published on my blog in April 2013)