How come we resist.. ''stop''? (Enlarging frame of reference for the New Year resolutions - 1)

A common sense action to change something you want to do in a different way and with different results is to stop doing that something. I was to write ''it is a piece of cake'', an expression we use to point out something easy to do - but lets pay attention to the... cake, 'cause we all know is difficult to do ''not stop bye''-action. And this is the stepping-stone of a new perspective: when you are trapped in an habit you are already stopped! Waiting for Godot is being stopped in a place and doing the ''waiting''-action.

So, maybe is not about the ''stop''-action but about a true one: the action to move in another direction. And here we are in the power of Physics. Here comes inertia - the love of doing what you are used to do.

Marshall Goldsmith was recently recognized as the #1 Leadership Thinker in the World and the top 5 Management Thinker at the Thinkers50. And he himself recognized inertia as a ''mindless routine''.

Indeed, inertia is to be carefully differentiate from the useful routines that enhance our efforts to develop, to create - to pursue a meaning we find precious to fulfill in our life. But nothing comes ''for nothing'' in our behavior. Sometimes ago, it was a meaningful purpose inertia was the best answer for: we get something good for being ''inert'' - something close or even exactly what we take for happiness at the time.

If you don't know why you are still waiting, learn what your benefits were. People do not do things to make them feel bad. Respect your feelings. Even if is a feeling of guilt - at some point in your life they used to serve you to achieve something good: attention from a significant person in your life. Maybe they didn't pay attention to you except when you being guilty. It was what you payed (!) to be worth to pay attention to you. Respect yourself. Admire yourself: you've find a way to survive! And trust yourself. You can scan your actual reality, detect pastime ''viruses'', quarantine it - let them extinct in there. Look at your present life,  evaluate the gain of your inertial actions: are they fit with you, with your actual needs for attention, meaning, and happiness? Are they mindless for your present life? What could you do be mindful to you, to really matter? Be creative. Be childish! Take baby steps to do new actions. It was the very mechanism that help you to build inertial system for to thrive. Remember?! 

If it was a way, there is a way - I use to say in my workshops. And in my life*. Maybe too much focus on goals - and ''the future is better'' - depressed us (literally, cut pressure to act) because of the emptiness of surroundings ahead. "Nature abhors a vacuum.", the saying attributed to Aristotle, works for human nature as well. A what-to-do place keeps you in that place. Consequently, inertia could seem to be an action of choice! Okay. Lets acknowledge what-it-is as being there. Take the good part of forming inertia. Recall your memory of doing things, empower it with your actual level of awareness of life, spice it with your forgotten but genuine (sic) curiosity. In fact, inertia is.. being in the flow! Create a mindful routine.Use the mechanism, but choose your flow.


 ..............
*I was very fond of English language in high school, but back in communist Romania, it was quite difficult to find original writings to read.So, in my 16, I decided it is possible to do something ''to reach my goal'' (lets do remember the long, but beautiful phrases we used at the time instead of poor language Jane Austen wouldn't understand :)). But it wasn't she I spotted - it was Shakespeare. It was in late 70 - no Internet, if you can believe that! I have applied the ''if it was, there is''- tool: if Shakespeare was born in Stratford-upon-Avon, there is a museum over there. And I wrote a letter to Shakespeare Museum, the address mentioned before, Great Britain! And I've got an answer. Two months later, my mom and my grandma was really scared to find an opened (!) envelope written in another language. The envelope was opened by police, of course.. I don't know what they thought about. For me this is resourceful memory for getting things done. 
..........


(Just a gentle reminder: everything written or drawn on my blog is my property unless is otherwise specified - and is copyright protected (c) Magda Bunea and Brain Fitness) 

caligrafii bine zise :) (1)

Că tot e început de an, zic că sunt de folos în comunicare!

Şi... ''nu poţi creşte pe altul micşorându-te pe tine'', din interviul de aici:  www.revdepov.ro/nestworking

 

Şi ceva bine zis de Simina şi caligrafiat de mine:

Şi, în continuarea a ceea ce s-a spus, şi pentru creşterea responsabilităţii:

The only respect in which a coach is to be a mentor is his ethic conduct in the coaching relationship

Lets have some quality readings on coaching: The ICF Code of Ethics!

 

 

 

 

 

>>>Because I see a profound lack of ethics in the way quite visible so called ''coaches''are doing their so called ''coaching'' in Romania (and other ''developing people'' related professions) - and, of course, else where: its our humaine, trop humaine nature.

>>>Because is not ethic to be a ''pretender'' in this profession (in any profession, in fact), neither by displaying in a bombastically way simple usual titles, nor by use others - is not fair to your clients to have a ghost writer to compose your ''inspirational'' stories, or ''thoughtful'' articles you (!) sign.

>>>Because is not ethic to play ''the master of the words'' by not mentioning the source of your (sic!) wisdom - in a profession which has the very and only tool the communication - to mislead the perception of your ''follower''. As well as is not ethic to use your brand to endorse lousy ''professionals'' for lousy benefits.
Because the very and the only respect in which a coach is to be a mentor is his/her ethic conduct in the coaching relationship.

>>>Because even if is about ''coaching as a business'' you, as a coach, are expected to manage and lead your business in an ethical way - without cheap marketing setups to catch your ''prospect''. Because ethics is not cheating: do not sell ''for free'' in the subject, and for the good money in the text offer, and do not call yourself a ''dean'' of a school because the term comes from the Latin decanus, "a leader of ten" , and you have ten students in your private ltd., named after a famous foreign academic town.

>>>Because ethics is developed through maturity, wisdom and love, as stated by Socrates, whose maieutic art is the foundation of coaching approach - and you are expected to practice maturity, wisdom and love both in relation with your clients, and your employees coaches, in your own company.

>>>Because in coaching are to be lived live (sic!) all the three categories of ethos that were highlighted by Aristotle: phronesis - practical skills & wisdom, arete - virtue, goodness, eunoia - goodwill towards the audience.

Well, I will stop - it starts to look like a Because.. poem :) So, If you are a coach, you are following this: The ICF CODE OF ETHICS - and you keep in mind - together with all your state of the art questioning tools - this simple question:

First published on Pulse:  Ethics, the first standard to act accordingly in practicing coaching

In Romania, 8500 people ''labeled'' them selves ''coach''. In 2006, the only coaching training had 2 days, and no ICF accreditation - it was the 6th module of a program called  ''Excellence in training'', with former Coaching Institut, part of CODECS Company. I was between the 20 trainees. First formal training ACSTH with ICF was in 2007 and 2008, 20 participants, trainer Alain Cardon, MCC, followed by a Supervision program during a year, a group of 7-8 individuals. I was participating in both: certified-coaching-training-supervision Magda Bunea. 
In the same year Noble Manhattan began its activity in Romania, and also an Austrain school of coaching with NLP. All these programs were quite expensive, and it wasn't a smashing appetite for coaching at the time. From 2014, in Romania was officially accepted as a profession ''specialist în activitatea de coaching'', and suddenly appeared four or maybe more ''school of coaching''. But even an exponential rate of interest for coaching couldn't make that number true. The bad result is that coaching is largely seen as a fake service, and coaches - as a bunch of lousy pretenders. 8500. 
I am really really sorry for this - I worked hard all these years, to develop myself as a coach, but also to be a trustful partner for the coaching community to raise its professionalism - even through publishing useful articles and point of view on this blog (from 2008!), by translating in Romanian two worldwide appreciated books about coaching, and by being responsible of the structure and content of the first magazine dedicated to coaching, in Romanian - Coaching Network., launched in 2011. And it is an awful feeling to read sarcastic articles about being a wonder-preacher for ''beautiful people''. Too many ''coaches'' fake it till they make it :(
 

România - paradisul e verde*, dar diferă de la un loc la altul în ce priveşte întristarea şi suspinul

Am mers cu trenul juma' de ţară. Pe şosea, parcă nu se vede atât de cutremurător ce sărăcie e în ţara asta. Şi mult noroi. Şi se vede cum creşte din ea sărăcia asta - sărăcia e bogată în sărăcie: chirpici, cotecioare şi polate atârnă unele din altele. Nu e sărăcia celui ce nu vrea să muncească. Oameni care încropesc şi ei viaţa.



Ciudat e că la căutarea în limba română - ''sărăcie case romania'' nu prea găseşti astfel de imagini...Asta e rezultat la ''poverty houses romania'' - de aici: People Shefield live project. 

Sărăcia ''se ia''. Am văzut case vechi minunate îmbolnăvite: iata Castelul Brukenthal, în comuna Micasasă...
Imaginea e de aici: commons.wikimedia.org



Şi mult pământ nearat. Gol şi înnădit. Linia orizontului e frumoasă, mioritică, aşa. Ţara are pentru ce să fie mândră, oamenii nu prea. Fondul e bun, caracterul îl strică, avem noi o vorbă. Şi nu zic de oameni - oamenii trăiesc şi ei cum pot. Şi plătesc impozite pentru ca politicienii să administreze ce e de administrat. Ei administrează ce e de furat, pare-se. Hoţul are tehnici bine puse la punct - deci nu de tehnocraţi am dus lipsă... Mai degrabă, ne-au lipsit nişte politicieni virtuoşi, înţelepţi şi de bună credinţă - aristotelici, aşa.

Spre Bucureşti şi oraşele mari, peisajul se schimbă: casele se numesc rezidenţe*. Mdeh. De la ''prezidenţe'' - de agenţii de stat, de consilii de administraţie, de fonduri. Da, ştiu, am toată admiraţia şi respectul pentru cei care şi-au făcut case frumoase pe munca lor, dar ieri am văzut pe net unde e arestat la domiciliu inculpatul recent - nu-i spun numele, că poate că deja, azi, e alt nume.

Înţeleg că nu credem ce vedem. Nici prin ţară, nici prin statistici europene.



Când zici că eşti ''mândru că eşti român'', pe ce te bazezi, monşer politikon?! Măi.. zoon, cum a zis preşedintele cu trei mandate - deşi prin Constituţie nu e voie decât două.
Poli-tichia... 

*Paradisul verde, Green Residence - numele unor ansambluri de locuinţe lângă Bucureşti

The Quality Presence - ROI as ''return on involvement''

Urmează să ţin azi un mic workshop despre folosirea abilităţilor pe care le găsim, le antrenăm şi le creştem în NESTworking în situaţii specifice comunicării de marketing. E interesant de observat că multe din cuvintele care au apărut cel mai frecvent în feedback-ul participanţilor la atelierul de coaching în comunicare sunt în mare măsură cuvintele pe care orice furnizor ar dori să le aducă în mintea cumpărătorului său.

 Content marketing înseamnă în primul şi în primul rând ''prezenţă'': să fii prezent pentru consumator, să ai o prezenţă de calitate, anume ca să determini şi din partea lui.. prezenţa! La raft, la curs, la o conferinţă, la un eveniment.

Contextul actual reflectă dramatic efectele tehnologiei informaţiei - e interesant cum un instrument schimbă chiar conţinutul pe care era aplicat.  Tradiţional, obişnuiam să spunem ''No news, good news'', ei bine, acum, când oricine poate fi o sursă de informaţie, o companie trebuie să îşi construiască strategia de comunicare de marketing de la evidenţa faptului că ''No news is the end!''
Iar ''news'' înseamnă conţinut: pentru că viteza de informare (CÂND ''se'' spune)  e o variabilă pe care nu o poţi controla, e musai să gestionezi atent CE, PENTRU CE, CUM, CUI.”

Am să vorbesc despre cuvintele ''vânzătorului'' ca... ''madlene'' - da, mecanismul proustian este valabil şi aici, deaorece orice comunicare tot în om ajunge şi deschide un set de informaţii în mintea ''cumpărătorului''. Aceste cadre de referinţă, cum le zicem în coaching, ne determină - sau nu! - să dăm curs îndemnului vânzătorului. Am să vorbesc despre coaching în practica atenţiei la consumator - pentru că el este ''cititorul'' tău. Despre povestire ca instrument de marketing. Despre recunoaştere si celebrare reciprocă - furnizor şi cumpărător. Despre noul inteles al ROI: de la return on investment la return on involvement - cum a propus Kevin Roberts, CEO Saatchi Saatchi. Despre CQ - curiosity quotient - cel care poate avea un rol esenţial în ''consumer engagement''. Şi despre ceva ce nu spun că voi vorbi - ''veniţi curioşi!'', vorba unui storyteler...mov ;) 

Prezentarea a avut succes şi acum doi ani la Conferinţa ''Content Marketing'', organizată de Learning Network la Bucureşti. Se numeşte "Bond. Relationship Bond." titlul prezentarii, este, el insusi, un story!
A, când am spus că nu spun despre ce voi vorbi era în chestie o povestire intr-un cuvant, ghici, cuibule, ce e ;) 

Am spus că e la Cluj? E la Cluj :) 
Atelierul NESTworking se reia în Bucureşti, la sfârşitul lui ianuarie 2016.
Puteţi să vă înscrieţi aici: www.revdepov.ro/nestworking

 

''Nu ştiu!'' - locul din care poţi începe să ştii

Prin coaching nu transferi cunoştinţe, conţinuturi, ci ajuţi la transferarea – dintr-un loc în altul - a unor puncte de vedere ale unei persoane, fapt care permite acesteia multiplicarea perspectivei asupra problemei sale şi rezolvarea dorită. Pentru că, prea aproape de problemă fiind, şi deşi vedem cu acelaşi ochi al minţii noastre, ni se pare că ceea ce e departe nu are formă şi e gri – un fundal pe care nu îl băgăm în seamă sau care ne preocupă doar când facem excursii anume spre el.

Căutarea unei soluţii pentru o problemă este momentul unei astfel de ''excursii'', şi, de multe ori, bâjbâim în acel spaţiu gri ca într-un loc prea puţin frecventat - tocmai de aceea, străin - chiar dacă întrutotul al nostru. Coaching-ul numeşte acest contur de gânduri, mai apropiate, al unui om cadru de referinţă. Mai pe româneşte: forul interior.

.... Coach me, and I'll GROW! - am putea adăuga.

Brancusi spunea: “Nu e greu sa faci un lucru; e greu sa te pui in starea de a-l face.” Coachingul te pune în starea aceasta – e shortcut, scurtătura într-o lume grabită să informeze, uitând constant – şi, uneori, dureros: spunem ''Nu ştiu ce să mai fac!'' – să formeze; să se formeze.Coachingul transformă acest ''Nu ştiu!'' din încremenire în proiectare - in ambele inţelesuri: construcţie, plan şi mers, acţiune. Am fost obişnuiţi să ne speriem când suntem în situaţia să spunem nu ştiu. Prin coaching am înţeles cum, cu ajutorul unui coach, a ajunge la ''Nu ştiu!'' e şansa de a ajunge la a încerca altceva decât.. ştii, dar şi momentul în care ai încredere în tine că poţi să faci altceva decât ştiai să faci - poţi o variantă mai bună pentru viitorul tău; e şansa de a vedea mai clar destinaţia şi de a înţelege mai bine destinul - un cuvânt cam umflat de prea multă răsuflare în el.În fine, ce vrei cu adevărat, vorba bună a lui Tim Gallwey.

Arhimede a spus: “Daţi-mi un punct de sprijin şi răstorn lumea!“ Coachul este punctul de sprijin de care ai nevoie pentru a răsturna lumea ta aşa cum doreşti, în forma pe care o vrei, pentru binele tău. Pentru că gândurile sunt alăturări de cuvinte în controlul nostru - şi orice cuvânt e o posibilitate de a privi lumea -, iată ce alt frame interesant deschide propoziţia în engleză corespunzătoare vorbei citate mai sus: ”Give me where to stand, and I will move the earth”. Interacţiunea cu un coach îţi oferă locul în care să stai pentru a putea să muţi – tu însuţi - lumea ta acolo unde vrei să fie. Ce se întâmplă minunat este că, în urma unui program de coaching la care ai ales să apelezi, ajungi să te sprijini – să stai mai bine - în tine însuţi, oricare ar fi problema: orice excursie interioară se termină bine pentru că ai învăţat să găseşti orice cărare (path) şi ştii cum să alegi cel mai bun traseu-tipar (pattern).


Mai mult aici:
The Inner For 

Believe only what is (possible to be) carved in a stone.. (against ''the meaning illiteracy'')

I must say a humble thank you to my dear readers for reminding me some nicely put words by cruising throughout the blog. That's how I found this playful little post from more than 5 years ago. Its title was ''Basic approach to life and the MOP model in coaching'' - and is of course a thin irony, but a loving one.

The matter of fact, the way things evolved in popular knowledge in these last years may change irony into something more alarming about perverting science-based findings into mass media good rating.. news. It is like a new form of illiteracy, much dangerous, because is not anymore about not knowing letters but about not knowing meanings. Not know is a good place to start, but become an apostle of largely followed ones outsmarts the very true endeavor to find your own meanings, the ones to shape your actions, your search, your time-structure - read ''value''.  It is odd to observe that a beautiful tool - Internet - could have a ''side effect'', a bad and crumbling (sic!) effect. Especially in the delicate subject of mind and soul - of human sciences, in short.

Jorge Luis Borges published an extraordinary story The Book of Sand - it was first printed in 1975, but the ''plot'' is already in another novel, The Zahir, from 1949. The main character is... a book - a special one: if turning the pages, more pages seem to spring out of the front and back of the first opened ones. Let us acknowledge that this ''process'' is quite an eloquent metaphor for what we all are getting through: the ''sand-effect'' of our times.

 Therefore, I do propose to reconsider... stones. Especially this one: ''Nothing in excess'' (nothing too much)

And to reconsider Pre-socratic thinkers - they are fewer than yearly names on the lists of ''5o thinkers of the year''. And they are for all and any year. And, of course, The Clay Tablets, and more. And The 10 Commandments!

My old post was a kind of Alice in Wonderland-question: ''What a nice kid like you doing in a place like this?'' Lets clean those sixty shades of grey.. sand of self-development pretenders. Mop it accurately. Be you! Well, they carved this call-for-action too :) ''Know yourself''

Here you are my old post:

‘Just receiving appreciations for my “poetic* and philosophic” approach to life.

Here you are an interesting quote from "Plato, Not Prozac!” by Lou Marinoff:
The stigma of sickness is placed on those going through personal problems, many of which are actually rooted in philosophical dilemmas underlying one's basic approach to life and its problems.
Medications just suppress the symptoms, without getting to the core issues, which are often philosophical.

Therefore I will keep playing (!) philosophical – for the best –, and for the best of my life and my activity
and of the people I coach**.

Philosophic approach is an exquisite tool for the larger frame of reference i.e. larger area of options – and awarness regarding the freedom of choice. This empowering position in life leads to appropriate action plan. If you will not see your life in a connectedness with the whole, your action plans would be valuable just to the place where your world meets the World – there are many chances to get frustrated on that edge.

So, start with the 3 M – myself, meaning, mission
Be aware of the 3 O – Oh’s (better known as ”a-ha moments”), offers, options
Get through the 3 P – person, perception, presence.
MOP your self, then go GROW (the most applied coaching model),or go GENIUS (another coaching model)***.

It is a nice novel by Leonard Cohen “The Favourite Game”. I should speak of my way as “The Effective Game”
:)


*poetic?
well, the content of your life is the content of your words - but what about the feelings you felt, feel, would like to feel? how can you express them? and here I am with Wittgenstein - The limits of my language are the limits of my world. - only if understanding language as something more then words, something like this famous saying of Saint Augustin What, then, is time? I know well enough what it is, provided that nobody asks me; but if I am asked what it is and try to explain, I am baffled. Time is much more a feeling than a content. The saying of Saint Augustin is more poetry than words.That is what poetic stands for - to be complete.
** now, from 2 years, I may say ''I nestwork'' ;) 
*** or go NEST: now, enjoy, search, trust. It works. NESTworking™ .. worths!