”Ce obtii cand nu obtii rezultate?”

se intreaba clientul dupa o sesiune in care pare ca nu a obtinut nimic.

Workshop cu metoda”what else?” :)

In general, obţii ”becul” >>> întrebat cum a inventat becul, Edison a spus că asta s-a intamplat după ce a ratat câteva mii de încercări.

• ”Insight”>>>
  „Stii exact cum sa faci ca sa nu obtii rezultate!”

• Frustrare/Dezamăgire >>>

„NU STIU,…” (liniste/tacere/spatiu) >>>

„Ce pot face diferit?”(explorare)

• Emotii >>>

Recunoaste mecanismul emotionarii si

„E ok sa fiu cum sunt” (validare) >>>

„Sunt valoros fiind eu insumi” (acordul cu sine)

• „Un sut”>>> curba de invatare>>>

„Pot sa ma misc” (mobilitate)

• Confort ”-/+” (!?) >>>

„Nu mai sunt client!” (lipsa de responsabilitate)

„Sunt constient de faptul ca nu obtin rezultat!?” (clarificare, responsabilizare)

• Competenta – shift de la o calitate la alta a competentei

„Stiam eu ca nu obtin nimic!” (verifica o credinta auto-limitativa)>>>

Poate observa ca exista un tipar prin care nu obtine rezultate. >>>

„Un croi nou”>>>

Observa cum obtine tocmai acest rezultat!>>>

„Pot obtine rezultate!”>>>

Incearca o noua atitudine fata de problema pentru care nu obtinuse rezultate.

(Concluziile workshop-ului din noiembrie, sustinut de mine in cadrul "Challenge of coaching", organizat de ARC - Asociatia Romana de Coaching)

Are people reluctant to success?! How come?(2)

I noticed that the very effect of any good coaching question
is the ‘immediate success’ of the people you coach.
‘immediate success’ =
the body’s feeling when the child makes his very first baby-step;
a feeling of lightening and wellbeing after getting
into the chosen action, on the begining spot.

And yet there is a kind of resistance. ..
I put this question on few dedicated groups on LinkedIn.
Here you are some (more) answers:

Great discussin everyone -

something that I have encountered has been

resistance to success through fear of removing limiting beliefs

because it is like giving up everything you have ever had,

and in some ways with some people it is like

pulling the rug out from beneath their feet,

and they are then not so "safe" as they previously were in their life,

they want to hold onto a portion of negativity or

”I can'ts, it's not right, it will go wrong”

because it is as @Albert mentions comfortable.

When I sense this is happening with someone

I help them look at what the freedom from these limiting beliefs

and walking out of their comfort zone

will bring them and allow them to do/ to be/ to have in their lives,

and for each limiting belief or fear

we release/we add something into its place immediately

so that there is no void to fill.

Many of my clients enjoy the analagoy of the kitchen drawer that is full of rubbish -

you just keep filling it and filling it and each time you look in it it is a mess,

if you start to put lovely things into the front of the drawer

though at some stage their is no room left for

the rubbish you have kept hold of for so long and

it has no choice but to fall out of the back.
///Carol Dodsley


The resistance to change (or to succeed in this case)

is indeed an inertia.

@Albert and @Carol mention it as being in the comfort zone.

They are right, and

you have to help your coachee to look for

the deepest reason, the ultimate benefit of being successful.

If he/she finds this reason strong enough,

he/she will certainly defeat the inertia.
///Carlos Segura Ortega


I wonder if Marx theory has anything to do with it?

"to ease the misery and hardship experienced by

dehumanized people exploited

in work places by the new slave-drivers of

the Industrial Era — the capitalists.”

Hence, Marx concluded that ”religion is the opium of the people" and

that we use religion/spirituality to sooth ourselves.

(I love it-spirituality/meditation-it is a part of my personal sanctuary)

And I am "for" capitalism and religion/spirituality,

I am for fame, success and money (however each of us defines success).

And I so connected with Miles comment:

"Underneath it all,

we humans have amassed an enormous amount of a sense

of guilt, unworthiness, fear, grievances, doubts,"

yet I believe in addition to our own human resistances and beliefs,

if that is what we define them to be...

there are many nuances

(intra and inter personal, societal, universal and

those nuances that exist in not knowing what we don't know, etc...)

that may play into the phenomenon of "success reluctance or elusiveness"

and ashumans, we are wanting that next "immediate success".

I get that if it is all to be, it is up to me....

yet is it just inside of us?

Knowing that I am the only one that I have ability to do anything about....

(and I continue to work on the acquisition of patience!!) ;)...

I am so working on Heidegger's "beingness in the moment"...

thanks for the great question and feedback....love this forum!!
///Susan Grzeskowiak


Our brains tend towards homeostasis -

regulating our temperature, our breathing rate, our metabolism and ourselves!

We tend towards keeping things the same, preserving the status quo -

even if we aren't happy with the way things are.

Buidling motivation -

looking at all the benefits that change will bring -

helps us to keep going with the hard work needed to make the change.

Baby steps are the way to go -

building a little bit at a time

so our unruly brains can get used to each step and

come along with us rather than holding us back.
///Marian Kerr

Read first part here: are-people-reluctant-to-success-1 

Are people reluctant to success?! How come? (1)

I noticed that the very effect of any good coaching question
is the ‘immediate success’ of the people you coach.
‘immediate success’ =
the body’s feeling when the child makes his very first baby-step;

a feeling of lightening and wellbeing after getting

into the chosen action, on the begining spot.

And yet there is a kind of resistance...

I put this question on few dedicated groups on LinkedIn.
Here you are some answers:

The resistance you mention is a fact of life.

The answer is in the beliefs, such as "is bad to be rich" or

"I cannot be more successful than my father" and may others.

As coaches, have to search in the meta-levels for the real reason of reluctance

and help the coachee to understand the ultimate benefit of his/her objective.

///Carlos Ortega

We humans have amassed an enormous amount of

a sense of guilt, unworthiness, fear, grievances, doubts, etc.,

and these impact our happiness and

our abundance and our ease and our success.
Until we unravel all of this, or at least some of it,

the results we see in our lives will take different forms

but will be exactly the same as the results we've always had.
As coaches, we can either help our clients

let go of some of this stuff or

we can help him or her fight and scratch his way past it,

the latter choice resulting in some apparent success

that will only be lasting as much as the new success

has replaced the old unconscious thought patterns,

which isn't much.
///Miles Kierson

We are creatures of habit.
We become accustomed to the negatives in our lives

and failure becomes more comfortable than success.

This leads us to find confirmation of

our most deeply held negative images
about ourselves in everything that happens around us.
These become stubborn shells
that are very difficult to break through.
///Albert Nacson

I think that the root of all resistences,

most of the times are the beliefs.

These beliefs, can act as a limiting thought,

then, is very important to know which beliefs are behind some behavior,

and especially provoke a questioning

if those beliefs are logical or whether they are healthy.

///Manoel Medeiros

This is also a nature v. nurture issue.
I believe that we naturally embrace success,

but negative parental, social and environmental influence in early life

can impede this,

and some of us can even fear success.
///Simon Broomer

Read forward here: are-people-reluctant-to-success 2