27 feb. 2011

In Search of Curiosity

Coaching Tool no 1: The Curiosus* Questioning

In any coaching fundamentals we speak about
listening, questioning, exploring, planning –
as steps for GROWing
What is the role of curiosity - if any - in there?

Here we are a definition at the hand:
Curiosity (from Latin curiosus "careful, diligent, curious,"
akin to cura "care") is an emotion related to
natural inquisitive behavior such as
exploration investigation, and learning,
evident by observation in human and many animal species.
*curiosus, there fore, stands for careful!
The need of coaching emerges from the need of
change something you are stuck in –
something you are unable to explore,
to investigate, and to learn from, to move forward:
something you are unable to be curious about!
You do listening and questioning yourself,
but is a false listening and questioning
because you know the answers
when you put the question!

It is a false attention leading
to a false presence -
you are attentive not to be present,
in order to get your already done answer,
which endorses your already chosen attitude,
which keeps you in your lousy but known situation.
It is a ”do not take my issue away!” strategy,
I am not curious to learn about..
A true question has its roots
in the nurturing „I don’t know”-soil.
It is where the curiosity –

the true care* about yourself –
grows, and where you GROW. *see the above definition.
The lack of practicing „natural inquisitive behavior”
prevent you to applying curiosity.
In coaching session you learn how to remember* it,
and apply it.
A coach’s very feature has to be curiosity -
i.e. being in a state of
Awarness/attention, Consciouness, and Trust -
toward the client, and toward him self -
for Performance, Learning, and Enjoyment,
both the client, and the coach. (the ACT & PLE triangles in Tim Gallwey's Inner Game)
*we use to be curious in childhood in the most authentic way,
that's how you grow, and get adult;
remembering is a complex natural process,
more or less active in each of us, and possible
to be (re)activate - by each of us
(as Kierkegaard states for himself),
or by having a support from a professional,
a Carl Rogers, for deep reccurent issues,
or a coach, for deep current issues.

It is often quoted Richard Bandler:
„I don’t know, but I am curious about!”

Curiosity – as an inherent human behavior,
not as morbid intrusive attitude towards others life –
curiosity is the very fundamental of
an authentic relationship.
Not only in coaching, but in any human interraction.
Lets imagine a husband-wife, a parent-child,
an employee-manager,
any two person talking to each other.
When someone put a question which answers
s/he already has in her/his mind
the quarrel is in sight:
any answer from the other one is not good,
because is not yours,
the other one is cleary not understanding you –
is against you!
Because you are not curious about that person..

„There is no cure for love” – says Leonard Cohen
Indeed, love is curiosity -
for yourself and the other one.
Only an endless curiosity seCUREs
a living „happy ever after” -
with someone else
as well as with yourself.

Practice curiosity!
I am very curious about you doing that :)