15 iul. 2013

”I am looking at you, coach!”

If you taking yourself to seriously, in a coaching situation - more than other kind of situations - it is obvious you not give client the needed space to develop and grow,
Because the subject is not she/he, it is your extra ego.

A ”Look who I am” position is inviting the client to ”I am looking at you, coach” position, i.e. she/he is spending the coaching time to look to (!) you instead of looking to him, i.e. looking for his sollution.

This kind of relationship is against the very fundamental of coaching relationship: be a guiding person, not a directive one. A guide helps an individual to arrive to the destination he chose, a guide is not imposing where he wants to be.

Even at a low level, this kind of attitude will prepare the stage for ”Tell me what to do, and I’ll do, coach!”: the client will stop working for finding a sollution because the coach looks like an expert in giving sollutions. Or, the opposite – the client will give sollution in a row, not because they are sollution for him, but beacause they are offerings for such a ”serious” coach.

More than that, instead client starts  working to develop the sollution, when he perceives the so-showed ”mightyness” of the coach, he is temptated to make his problem even more complicated, to work for finding more and more proofs to justify the existence of that problem. And things could go further from admiring the ”look-who-I-am” coach to disdain him – client works to developp the problem in order to humiliate the coach.

It is good to make the healthy difference between taking yourself too seriously – and being a serious individual, both personal, and professional.

As it is good to make the healthy difference between taking yourself in a too low position in the coaching relationship. The coaching standard practice recomends to have „a low position”. It is good to be aware of it along all the session, and do not play ”overwhelmed” by client’s problem.

”I am looking at you, coach!” had also consequences in such situations. The client will be temptated to make an easier life for coach: he will deliver option after option, he wil give proofs of happiness for finding a sollution he knows he will never apply. The same as in the previous case, the opposite is equally probable - the client develop the problem to make coach position even lower.

The session becomes a show when coach acts like playing a part – whether it is the all-mighty-guy, whether it is the all-weaky-guy. A workable approach in both situations is the truth: if is happend to feel competent in client sollution say it, as well if is happend to feel really overwhelmed by his problem.

Being authentic is the very expression of being onest.
Being human is the very expression of being in a person-to-person relationship.
Being a professional is the very expression of being qualifyed to practice it.
”I am looking at you, coach!”

Check in (!) here for see how I myself am looking at me practicing coaching :)

This post was ”invited” by a comment of a coach about my LinkedIn profile: I have to say your profile presentation is original and it made me smile. I am sensitive to human beings with a good sense of humor and not taking themselves too seriously along the ego lines ;-) I am sure you are doing a great work in Romania helping people out with your coaching skills and your wisdom. N.